In need of a laugh? You should've gone to Specsavers

When it comes to opticians, I’d like to think that I’ve seen the lot. However, my first and only eye test at Specsavers proved me wrong. It was quite the most bizarre eye examination I’ve ever had. I spent a very long time in various waiting rooms, the most entertaining of which I shared with a smartly dressed and highly charismatic young man claiming to be from Specsavers’ head office. He was in the unfortunate position of feeling very important but not being recognised by any of the branch staff. It seemed a shame to cut the conversation short when my wild-eyed optician eventually called me in. However, the specialist was also a funny man in his own right. For a start, his eyes pointed in remarkably different directions, which they are perfectly entitled to do, but it is not necessarily a reassuring quality in an eye specialist. His other outstanding quality was his kindness which he demonstrated by giving me clues when I couldn’t read the letters on his letter chart. I was actually struggling to read rather a lot of them, this is partly because of my shocking eyesight and partly because the man from the waiting room had reappeared. He was diligently miming out (utterly random) letters to me through the glass in the door (which were in no way connected to the letter chart). Every so often he would wander off (presumably to cause mischief elsewhere) but would always reappear. I’d like to say I resisted the urge to laugh out loud when I saw him. I didn’t. My mirth in no way bothered the optician who ploughed merrily on.

I stopped being amused when I was told I’d need new glasses – no aspect of my experience so far has given me the impression that any part of their system is competent to actually manufacture something complicated (such as glasses). The heretofore generally oblivious optician noticed my sadness, and demonstrated his kindness once more by trying to cheer me up: Apparently I’m a "special patient" and that’s why it will take so many attempts to get my prescription right. If that's the best reassurance they can manage my glasses are doomed.